Monday, January 30, 2006
      ( 10:02 AM ) Rebecca  
Dear Breakup Babe I'm a man in my mid-20s, and I'm finally figuring out who I am. I've been on lots of dates, but haven't found any sparks, I'm alright with that. When the time is right things will work out. In the interim, I was wondering if you could publish a list of things that men should or shouldn't do to maximize the fun (not necessarily the likelihood of getting laid) on a date.
Sweet Chuck

Dear Sweet Chuck,
I’m so glad you asked! I’m sure plenty of readers will want to weigh in on this one. (Oh, and we girls appreciate the parenthetical insertion of "not necessarily the likelihood of getting laid" – although hey, I’d be happy to answer that one too). If you want to "maximize the fun" - it all comes down to one thing, and that's planning.

Of course, no no amount of date-planning on anyone’s part can substitute for actual sparkiness. If your dynamic is sparky, you're going to have fun no matter what. If not, even the sexiest date is doomed to fail. But all this doesn’t mean that a guy can’t do a few things to spark things up and score a few points (and who knows what else) by planning a kickass date.

It was our friend Virginia Belle who advised men (in her post of January 20) to be the “Man with the Plan.” A girl likes it when a guy puts thought into a date and presents an idea:“What do you think if we go to X restaurant, then walk over to Y club to see Breakup Babe’s band play? That Breakup Babe is so hot!” We (OK I) like it occasionally when I don’t even need to contribute to the plan, or better yet, when it’s a surprise. Make a reservation somewhere and don’t tell me where it is. Exciting! Take me on a trip somewhere and don’t tell me where it is! (All right, maybe that's a bit advanced but you get the picture).

Also, a guypal of mine who is oh-so-successful with the ladies makes this contribution about how to plan a date: "A guy needs to think of dates where there can be interaction between him and his date - so noisy bars or movies aren't good cause you can't talk, flirt, etc. So something that has a physical element to it is good, even if it's just walking from painting to painting at a museum or bowling, dancing, or pool."

This is not to say a girl can't plan dates too. She can - and should! But if you really want to make a first impression, plan a thoughtful first date and you're well on your way to happy-ever-after or at least happy-for-a-month-or-two until someone turns out to be 1)psycho 2)still sleeping with their ex-girlfriend /boyfriend 3)otherwise emotionally unavailable, etc.

A few other first-date quick tips
Do try to kiss me on the first date if you like me; Do pay on our first time out (unless I asked you out in which case I'm happy to foot the bill!) Do tell me you want to see me again (if you do). Do call or e-mail me the next day and don't listen to whatever stupid "rule" it is that guys have about waiting three days or a week. Self-confidence is much sexier than playing it "cool."

My outspoken readers no doubt have something to say about this so I'll pass the torch to them. Good luck Sweet Chuck!

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This blog was the inspiration for my novel. It helped me get through a horrible breakup and kept me entertained for years. But all good things must come to an end. I will recycle oldies but goodies from the archives here, but will blog about about writing here, and about all kinds of other stuff here.

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