Monday, December 12, 2005
( 9:31 AM ) Rebecca
OK all, today is the day you've all been waiting for. You haven't been able to sleep. You haven't been able to eat. Christmas? Eh, who cares! Global warming? Whatever! You have been living only for moment: the inaugural Breakup Babe dating advice column!
Today we have a question from that sassy southern sweetheart, fellow blogger Virginia Belle. Congrats to Virginia for being the first one to get "official" dating advice from moi, which will no doubt send her spiralling down the road to romantic ruin.
Dear Breakup Babe,
I can't wait for your book to come out. I bet it will be awesome. Then I will finally get to hear all of the great stories you and others allude to. I am so excited to get dating advice from you! You're a blog celebrity for pete's sake. [Note to readers: kissing up to me will get you everywhere.]
Anyway, here is my dating dilemma: I go out, I see guys, I try to flirt/make eye contact, etc. But I get nothing. I try to be approachable by smiling a lot, not going out w/a large group of girls, being relaxed and friendly. Now, I am kind of shy sometimes, which my guy friends have told me makes me come off as snobby. But I really am open to being approached, I swear!
So, until I started on Match.com, I had not been asked on a date in a year. Yes, a year. But now, I get asked out A LOT. So apparently, virtual Virginia Belle is really appealing, while the real-life version of myself is not. Grrrr..... What am I doing wrong?? (Oh, and please don't tell me to approach guys. I have done this before and it's just not my style--it makes me insecure in the relationship.) Any tips you can provide would be very helpful.
First of all, V.B., though I am allowed to wallow in self-pity on this blog, my readers are not. So let’s focus on the positive here. In your own words you get asked out “A LOT.” So, please, take a moment to breathe in deeply and appreciate this fact. Say it to yourself ten times under your breath. “I get asked out A LOT. I am a goddess! I get asked out A LOT. I am a goddess!”
Now, with a little perspective, we can take a look at your so-called “problem.” But first, let’s talk about me. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been approached by men in bars or clubs. Like you, I am oh-so-approachable looking, yet shy(ish). But most men, I happen to know, are just as shy as we are! They are scared of rejection just like us! (If only they KNEW how many of us would give up our phone numbers just like THAT, if they asked!) Which is probably why they’re not swarming all over you in person like they are online: Not because you're not a hottie but probably because you ARE, and because virtual rejection is so much easier to take than real-life rejection.
So here’s how I’ve dealt with this “problem.” I don't expect to meet men when I got out to bars. There are so many other ways to meet them! Through friends, at parties, via my blog, on the high-priced gigolo hotline!
But. If you are really hell-bent on meeting men at nightspots, I will proffer up the following meager words of wisdom:
1)Go with one girlfriend to a bar where you can play pool. Undoubtedly you will be two of only a few women playing and it will give you the chance to interact naturally with males. Be sure to spend lots of time bending over the pool table in your tight jeans. A friend of mine met the man of her husband this way, so I know wherefore I speak.
2)Wear much sluttier clothing than you do now.
On a final note, it is true that my sister met her husband in a bar. HOWEVER. He was way too shy and/or drunk to ask for her phone number after flirting with her, and had it not been for the fact that she hunted him down afterwards - knowing only his first name and the company that he worked at – that my darling niece and newphew are alive today!
So there you have it, Virginia Belle. May the Force be with you. And if not the force than a very tight shirt and a push-up bra.
(Perhaps, if we are very lucky, Kissing Slut – the master of fearless flirtation, and Dating Dummy, former shy guy turned lovable ladies man – will chime in with some advice of their own!)
Next Monday in BB's advice column: Jo writes in about an infuriating blog crush: "Is he trying to push me away, or bring me in closer? Be a challenge or take himself out of the picture? WHAT WHAT WHAT???!!!???"
For now, back to regular programming.
E-mail Breakup Babe