Monday, December 19, 2005
      ( 9:12 AM ) Rebecca  
Dearest Readers,
In today's weekly advice column, I answer a question from "Jo," who - like so many of us - seeks to solve the mysteries of the male brain.

Dear Breakup Babe,
My question isn't exactly relationship related. It's more quasi-relationship related. There's a boy I like, but I've never met him in person. This is a blog crush. We've chatted for hours and hours and HOURS and we get along really well.

We get along so well, in fact, that when I needed to decide in which city I would take a review course I need, I decided to take it in his city so that we could meet up. Now I really like this guy, and as I'm incapable of being mysterious, he knows that I really like him. And sometimes he seems to like me too, but on several occasions (after I've said something that is particularly charming to him), he has said something along the lines of, "How is it that I'm not crazy about you?"

My response is typically, "Because you're a bleeping moron??", but what I'm wondering, is why does he ask? What does that mean?? Does it mean that he's honestly confused as to why he doesn't have feelings for me? Or does it mean that he does have feelings but doesn't want to admit it? Is he trying to push me away, or bring me in closer? Be a challenge or take himself out of the picture? WHAT WHAT WHAT???!!!???

By the way, the last time he asked me that, I told him to QUIT because it was super annoying. So he won't be asking anymore, but I really do wonder why he ever asked in the first place.
-Jo

Dear Jo,
In this case, you could either do as I would do or do as I say. If it were me flirting with this bleeping moron, I would probably ignore the major red flags he’s waving right in my starry-eyed face, fall in love and end up flat on my ass a few months later when he’s still saying “Why is it that I’m not crazy about you?”

In fact that phrase gives me the shivers because of its eerie familiarity. As to what it “means” exactly, who knows? Is he confused? Undoubtedly. Is he trying to push you away or bring you a closer? Probably both. But in the end, he’s probably a loser who’s either 1)not over his divorce, 2)still f*cking his ex-wife 3)forgotten to take his lithium 4)all of the above. But I digress.

I will give you the advice that a very wise GalPal of mine always gives me when I attempt to “analyze” something a guy says. Her oh-so-sensible advice is: “Take what he says at face value.” In other words, don’t try to read behind the lines. Men usually aren’t thinking anything more complicated then: “Me must have s*x. But me no want commitment! How get sex with no commitment?”

So, if we take Mr. Blog Crush at face value, we deduce that he likes you but is not into you romantically. Perhaps the poor guy is even upset and confused about this given how well you get along. My heart bleeds for him. But even though it’s very confusing to hear him say he’s not into you (after all, he spends hours chatting with you!), you would be wise to take him literally, cut your losses and run - before you head down the Breakup Babe road to ruin!

That doesn’t mean he can’t prove you (or me) wrong. After all, you guys haven’t even met yet! But I advise you to seriously back off on the flirtation with this guy. If he comes back begging for more; if he makes an effort to come see you; then you know that he’s sincerely interested. (Sad but true fact of human nature: people always want what they can't get). Right now he’s just f*cking with you - probably unintentionally - but still: I say wean yourself from this dead-end virtual relationship if you can, and make yourself available to men in your own zip code!

Good luck.
BB

In next week's advice column, stay tuned for a question from Kawaii, who writes, "How long can I keep trying before I know for sure that I am just never going to feel "It." He is a good guy and I want to be fair to him...Should I just try hooking up with him and see how it goes? Or will that just make things worse?"
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This blog was the inspiration for my novel. It helped me get through a horrible breakup and kept me entertained for years. But all good things must come to an end. I will recycle oldies but goodies from the archives here, but will blog about about writing here, and about all kinds of other stuff here.

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