Saturday, May 14, 2005
( 8:07 AM ) Rebecca
Today is the day I've been dreaming of since I was ten years old - I'm getting my author photo taken!
Now, since I am doomed to die a spinster, think of this as my Big Day. I've got a hair stylist onboard. A makeup artiste. And, of course, a professional photographer who is getting paid big bucks not to make me look a like a chinless blob. Unfortunately, I have failed mightily in accomplishing the major task for my Big Day: I don't have a thing to wear!
Even though I spent my life savings at Banana Republic last week, buying four items of clothing at full-price, I still don't have the right thing to wear. And even though I've been on an extended shopping spree for the last three years; it's just that no items of clothing I own conveys just the right look: the casual glamour, sexy intellingence, brainy beauty. It's either too pink or too boring or too trampy or just not...bestselling author enough.
Oh, if only I had a stylist! But alas I do not, and so I've decided the best thing to do is this: rather than wear the wrong thing - something that conveys an impression of oh, jaded urbaninte, or aging sex kitten, or technical editor with literary aspirations, anything other than bestselling author - I've decided to wear nothing.
So if you're bored, come on down to Seattle's lovely and historic Pioneer Square where this afternoon, I wil be posing in my birthday suit. And how appropriate, since my 3xth birthday is fast approaching - Good Lord! Might as well flaunt my svelte body before it all goes to hell, right?
Aw, just kidding. I did find a semi-sophisticated, only sort-of-slutty shirt to wear; the problem is it requires a strapless bra. Which I do own, however, it is The Worst Strapless Bra Ever (TM). Meaning, it constantly slips down to reveal that which it should not reveal. So if you're lucky you might a glimpse of my naughties anyway!
In other news, I have become rather enamored of The Celebrity. He is smart and funny as well as hot and sexy. But, since I'm not allowed to talk about him and my Big Day is about to start, that's all I'll say about THAT.
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