Sunday, January 30, 2005
( 1:02 PM ) Rebecca
It's always embarrassing to walk into a brunch place alone on Sundays. I mean what else so clearly says, "Hey world, I slept alone last night!"
But you know what - I've done it a lot before and I'll do it a lot again, I'm sure, because the bottom line is, I like brunch, and I like to write while eating brunch and these days there's a dearth of people to have brunch with (hello, whatever happened to you K.M.?) -- so there you have it. I write alone at Sunday brunch. At least I don't drink alone at Sunday brunch. Yet.
At least I have company on Saturdays now. My good friend and talented writer Odious Woman has started to join me at various haunts around town (El Diablo Coffee Company and Uptown Espresso in Belltown are two new favorites) so we can be angst-ridden together.
I'm getting used to solitude in the evenings, though. I walk into my sparkling condo, so comfortable and clean, and think Aaah. I find that, instead of wanting to stay out late, socializing with whomever, I just want to retreat to a place of quiet. I still require much social stimulation - don't get me wrong. Probably more than most. But lately it's been more concentrated to just my close friends, rather than the vast web of second-tier friends and acquaintances that I could call on (and usually do after a breakup).
Then, around about 10 p.m., I just want to go home. I don't want to blaze into the evening in a slinky dress or flirt with people I don't know. It's partly that I'm sad. Still. And partly that my brain is just tired.
This book seems to suck up every last ounce of emotional and intellectual energy I have. Even if I'm not writing it, I'm thinking about it. When I wake up in the morning, it's the first thing on my mind. And it stays there - all day long - taking up space. Lots and lots of space. Which is why it's a good thing to have quiet in my life right now. This book makes so much damn noise - in my head, in my heart - that I need a lot of down time.
But there's a fine line for me between down time and too much down time - which gets me really down. So far, though - despite feeling sad and defeated about love - I seem to be doing OK. More good hours than bad.
And that's on only a 3/4 dose of Celexa!
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