Friday, October 08, 2004
      ( 10:52 AM ) Rebecca  
This has been one crazy week.

One minute I’m crying on the bus all the way home because clearly I am an unlovable pariah, and if I were just the least bit lovable, Library Boy would actually love me instead of being so consumed with his rocks and his dirt and gazillion Power Point slides.

The next I’m rocking out in my car, on top of the world, certain that I’m about to become the next Helen Fielding AND find true love all in one month. Later that night, I’m lying wide awake in bed at 2 a.m. then waking up with strangled screams at 4 because of some David Lynch-like nightmare where what you can’t see is the scariest thing of all.

One minute, I’ve found the perfect condo for me, the next I find out there are seven offers on it already, and how could I have been so STUPID as to wait a full TWO days to look at it? Oh, but it only gives me an excuse to keep hanging out with my real estate agent – only the hottest real estate agent in Seattle – and I already see him way more than I see my so-called boyfriend, and we’re about to run off together to New Mexico (whither that will take us, no one knows), so let’s just say this:

Things are definitely on the move here in BB Land.

The book is opening eyes in New York City (while my own eyes hardly close anymore), and though I adore Library Boy, I'm not feeling loved and adored the way I want to. I’m going to mention this little fact to him, and then who knows what will happen. Maybe it will snap his head out of his a*s (and wouldn't that be great?) but my feeling is that I'm the one who has to take it or leave it.

What I do know is this: there is a man out there who will love me, and want to spend time with me, and want to have kids with me so that we can bask in the warmth that only a family can provide. Library Boy, alas, disowned his own parents when he was 14. And though he talks to them now, his own vision of “family” is colored by the trauma of not feeling loved when he was young.

But me - thanks to my own, mostly fabulous family - I just have too much love inside me to not to share it with a couple of noisy, messy, but delightful children, and a no-doubt-occasionally-annoying but mostly loving and funny and kind husband who will go on adventures with me and ground me when I need it and change diapers in the middle of the night.

And with a horoscope like this for October, is it any wonder I’m feeling hopeful, despite the less-than-stellar turn of affairs with Library Boy?

Dear Gemini, it has been over a dozen years since you have had the kind of glittering aspects at play in your chart today. Last month Jupiter, the giver of gifts and luck, moved into your fifth house of love, romance, creativity and children, giving all these areas a huge push forward. Jupiter will work hard for you not only this month, but for a whole year-your golden period will last until October 25, 2005.

Let the golden period begin! Please?

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