Monday, October 04, 2004
      ( 10:26 AM ) Rebecca  
Now if you recall, the latest love object in BB’s life is that sex god known as Library Boy (who, thank God has at last trimmed his nosehair, making him into even more of a sex god). The one who, for the first month and a half, made every effort to sweep BB off her feet – including much bringing of flowers, cooking of gourmet feasts, and writing of romantic e-mails?

Can BB be blamed for thinking that perhaps she has found a guy who is emotionally available? Of course, she knows deep down that he is infatuated with her and that infatuation is soon knocked aside by reality, but nonetheless – Anxiety and Loneliness disappear for a few short weeks as she’s swept into his Cancer spell.

Oh but it happens so much more quickly than she’d hoped! No sooner does that two-month mark roll around, the Library Boy suddenly becomes all business, and we’re talking ALL business.

Because, after all he is starting his own (landscaping) business, and going to school, and working 7 days a week, and well, it’s time to make sure BB knows where she is on this priority list. Which is low. Because, after all, who knows where this relationship might go, and he has to invest in his future. A future, which, he also makes clear, will not involve any little Library Boys, thankyouverymuch. Although he makes a point of telling her - many times - that he "loves being with" her and is "very attracted" to her.

Well. Right about now you’re all saying WTF? Yeah, he sounded great to begin with, but don’t you deserve better than that? We know you deserve better than that! You’re a kickass writer girl with a great day job and a hot bod and a soon-to-be-bestselling book that’s going to get bought ANY DAY NOW by publishers!

Yes, yes, you’re probably right. But as you know, when you’re in them, these things are not always so black and white. Especially when the time comes that you do see your busy busy boyfriend and he puts you back under that romantic spell. Then you’re like a junkie, and all you can live for is the next fix.

And then the rationalizations start. I’m an independent girl, I can handle seeing him only a couple times a week – as long as he makes me feel good, as long as he’s committed (and so far, he still seems to be, though who knows for how long?) maybe it’s my own demons I’m dealing with here (anxiety and loneliness), and maybe this is a good chance to DEAL with them, and maybe this is WORTH it, but the thing is this:

I just don’t know.

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