Tuesday, August 31, 2004
( 1:06 PM ) Rebecca
The last couple days I have been dragging my emotional baggage around like an unwanted appendage.
I tried to write up my whole sob story for you yesterday, and just couldn't put the whole thing into words without sounding melodramatic (because really, my friends, it was.)
About how Library Boy and I had our first minor conflict this weekend - which was really hardly a conflict at all - and how it ended up blindsiding me with feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.Soon enough, though I realized these feelings had nothing to do with him, but were all about being cheated on in my past and about how that relationship ultimately made me not trust myself either.
After all, how can you trust yourself when you go along thinking everything is fine, but meanwhile the person you love is storing up all their grievances against you, only to unleash them in a spectacular display passive-agressive behavior that ultimately ends your relationship?
It's nearly impossible to trust yourself - or another person - after all this. But it's what you've got to do. Learning what you can from the past, but trying not to let it drag you down.
One thing I've learned is that I do NOT get along with passive-aggressive people. I am much too assertive for them- they don't stand up to me when they should and then we all regret it in the end.
So far Library Boy does not seem to be that kind of boy. He's so giving and sweet that I worry about it, of course. About him giving and giving (like some exes who shall remain nameless), and then turning around and saying how much I take from him. But time will tell, won't it?
At least, this weekend, it all worked out in the end. In fact, I even heard Library Boy refer to me as his girlfriend last night.
And you know what? I liked it.
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