Tuesday, June 15, 2004
      ( 4:19 PM ) Rebecca  
All right, I have to admit it. Yours truly is down.

And why?! Is my brain chemistry whacked or what? I mean, I'm on all sorts of Happy Drugs already; the last thing I want to do is take any more.

On the way to work today, I recited a litany of things to cheer me up, you know, like they tell you do in the motivational tapes.

-I have an agent!
-I'm hot!
-I'm healthy!
-I'm wealthy*
-I'm fabulous!

This cheered me up for all of five minutes, until I got into my flourescent lit office, when my good mood quickly slithered back down into whatever dank, dark hole it's been living in.

But it's no wonder, really, that I'm down, despite being so fabulous. I am now dealing with my two most feared and hated emotions in life: boredom and loneliness.

WHAT you say? How could you be bored?? Lonely?? You travel the world at the drop of a hat! You have numerous admirers! You could have social engagements every night of the week if you wanted to! You have the most exciting life of anyone I know! No kids, diapers, whiny boyfriends or going-to-seed husbands to tie you down!

I just am, OK. And maybe I need more drugs, or maybe I just have to admit this little truth to myself and try to accept it:

I'm down because I've tried so hard for the last two years to fall in love again and it hasn't worked. And I really *miss* having something to be with.

That's a valid enough excuse to be down, isn't it? No matter how fabulous you are?

Meanwhile, out of boredom naturally, I've resurrected my nerve.com personals ad, because GEE WHIZ, I haven't had a date in weeks! (is it any wonder I'm bored??) And for the life of me, I could not figure out how to change my profile and lie about my advanced age, so no doubt I'll be hearing only from 65-year olds and 23-year olds - since all men my age specify that they want to date women ages 22-24. That's why I swore I'd never do the online personals again, but my oath lasted all of one week.

Meanwhile, I hope to make my rock n' roll debut at Crossroads Mall in Bellevue next week. Now if that isn't a glamorous locale, I don't know what is. Should garner me a few 15-year old groupies, at least.

(Oh, and by the way, thanks for asking - the Captain was mercifully absent from the bus last night.)

*If wealth is relative, that is.
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