Monday, December 29, 2003
      ( 1:28 PM ) Rebecca  
You know, the problem with the love drug – like any drug -- is that once you get a little taste, you just want more.

Now I did my time in rehab in October and I’ll admit – it wasn’t pretty. But these last couple months, I’ve been clean and sober, and more creative than I’ve ever been in my life. When I fall into bed at night, I think “How nice to be alone.” Or, “How would I ever have time for a boyfriend?”

Yeah, I know, the lust thing has been creeping up on me. But that’s still under control for the moment. The Magic Wand lives up to its name.

But it’s the affection thing that gets me. That’s the addictive part of the love drug. Once I get a little taste of that I’m like a dog begging to be let in. My mind gets addled. I replay things over and over in my head. Was it really affection? Or was it lust disguised as affection? What did it mean? Anything? And most importantly, how can I get more?

It was a bad idea to fall off the wagon, like that, I know it. I can get back on it, if I have to. It’s a whole lot safer up there anyway, don’t you think?

Especially with my taste in men.

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