Friday, October 31, 2003
      ( 4:44 PM ) Rebecca  
D*mn it.

No sooner than the words come out of my mouth than what do I do?

I stay up half the night doing something stupid. And of course did not get up early today (never mind that I did three times already this week) and of course drank too much caffeine and ate too much sugar and am thinking “What the f*ck am I doing?”

And though I may not know what I'm doing, but I do know where I am. The Danger Zone.

(And didn’t I just talk to my therapist about the Danger Zoneand what I would do when I got there, and did I just not do the exact opposite?)

Another thing – I know there are biological drives and all that, but wouldn’t it make more sense if our drives actually drove us to make smart decisions instead of driving us to do the things that are completely stupid and yet which feel so GOOD.

Why are the smart decisions the hardest ones to make? Is there not something evolutionarily WRONG with that, people?

And you know what? At least I don’t feel sad today. That sad sh*t is getting real old. But I’m no fool. I know it’ll come back worse than ever once this sleep-deprived adrenalin-, caffeine-, and sugar- high wears off.

(Hey, but at least Lonely Planet guidebooks just hired me to write an essay about climbing Mt. Rainier. So at least my "art" is givin' it back a little right now. Even if my brain seems to have stopped functioning.)

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