Tuesday, March 25, 2003
( 8:49 PM ) Rebecca
Well I’ll have you know THIS; I just got a cheap thrill by groping the flaccid zucchini in the fridge.
There. Are you satisfied?!
I know I promised months ago that I could turn nothing into something by being a talented drama queen, so I’m gonna try. Not just to entertain you, but to entertain myself, for crying out loud, ‘cause the zuchhini just ain’t cuttin’ it (although come to think of it, it probably wouldn’t cheat, lie, and [ARCHIVE SCRUB OCCURRED HERE - OUCH!])
So, here we go. Today I hinted to Sexy Blue-Eyed Boy (SBEB) (not to be confused with Silent But Deadly Boy (SBDB), who is soooo out of the picture) that I liked him. It was a subtle hint. Perhaps too subtle. One might say, perhaps, if one were so inclined, wimpy. But it was a hint nonetheless and if he’s got a male bone (heehee) in his body, he’ll run with it. Or else he DEFINITELY doesn’t like me.
Which would be all for the best because I’m probably just lonely and on the road to embarrassing myself with someone I’ve known forever, BUT…
Drama. We need the drama.
Oh. Yes. Friday is a big day. [BIG ARCHIVE SCRUB OCCURRED HERE - OUCH!]
OK just let me find the Xanax and I’ll be fine. Ah. Much better.
So where was I? Oh yes. This past weekend, I went away. By myself. To write. It felt strangely adult. Frighteningly adult. And just a little sad. Because it was like saying to myself, “I’m moving on.” I am dealing with my abandonment issues and I am letting go of these people who let go of me.
As you know, I’d been dreaming about my father and Loser nonstop. The worst dream came right before the five year anniversary of my dad’s death, when I woke up calling for him, feeling alone and helpless and scared.
Then, a few days later, there I was jauntily getting on a ferry by myself – the same one Loser and I had taken our bikes on so many times before -- to be the independent, adventurous, and only slightly lonely 34-year old woman that I am.
Because, I guess, life goes on. Ob-la-di, ob-la-da and all that, right?
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