Friday, August 30, 2002
      ( 6:51 PM ) Rebecca  


Having just gone through a breakup, and before that, a period during which I was not broken up, but rejected constantly by the person I loved (note the PAST TENSE) I have been feeling a bit sad. Also a bit, um, h***y. Well, more than a bit.

But it’s more than hot sex that I crave. I want some luv! I want hugs! And kisses! And let’s just say that this entire overheated summer has been greatly lacking in the luv department.

Except, I must note, for my affection of my friends. I’ve had that kind of love (with an “o”) in abundance. But for the kind of luv you need when you’re down and out and want someone to hug you and kiss you for hours on end, there is really only one place to turn. And that is to a golden retriever.

Luckily, there is such an animal at my mother’s house in the Golden State, where I am now, and where, in two days, my younger (YOUNGER) sister will take her wedding vows and cement her disgustingly perfect relationship unto eternity.

But anyway, the dog (I’ll call him “Fluffy”) will lie with his head on my shoulder, gazing adoringly into my eyes, letting me hug him for as hard as I want, for as long as I want. Sometimes he will lie there with his eyes closed, unmoving and still, with his cold nose against my neck, the picture of devotion. Then, for no reason, he will look up, lick me, and wag his tail gently.

After that, he’ll put his head down on my chest, and wait for me to pet his big blonde head, and I know that for as long as I do, he’ll never, ever leave me (until he hears my mom putting food in his bowl). In fact, it will take a lot of muscle to finally get him off the bed when I’ve had enough luv for the moment.

It will be hard to leave Fluffy and go back to my beautiful but pet-less apartment (I lost my cat in the breakup). One can only hope that I will find a boy to give me some luv soon, or I might just have to settle for hot sex.

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This blog was the inspiration for my novel. It helped me get through a horrible breakup and kept me entertained for years. But all good things must come to an end. I will recycle oldies but goodies from the archives here, but will blog about about writing here, and about all kinds of other stuff here.

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